Friday, June 8, 2007

Ixchel and Kali

Kali and Ixchel
Giving birth to Kali and Ixchel is the most sacred powerful event of my life. A homebirth with twins, natural birth from my own power is a truly revolutionary act in our society that fears women’s power of creation. Where science is the religion and technology is worshiped. I give thanks to Maria and other midwives for holding the space where birth can be honored as a ceremony—a transformation, instead of being seen as a medical procedure.
Birth is creation, not a mathematical equation. This became my mantra as I became “overdue” with twins. Something unheard of in the world of induction and cesarean, where we are taught to fear our biggest power—the ability to transform light into life.
After two rounds of castor oil, seeing three different acupuncturists, black cohosh, blue cohosh, and rounds of pumping, it was my prenatal yoga class that started my labor at 41 and a half weeks of pregnancy.
I thought that labor would be like jumping into an icy swim hole—you’re either in the water or out of the water and it’s a second where you cross the line and take the plunge. But unlike a swim hole, I couldn’t just swim to the edge of the water and hop out—my pre-labor dragged on and on. It took me a while to find my focus. In the beginning were the sharp sparks of contractions highlighting the confetti of my thoughts. Thoughts going in all directions, without focus, what had I gotten myself into? I was excruciatingly pregnant and there was only one way out, through these contractions.
I had to rest and let my contractions ease up, before I found my focus. These were the contractions—the rushes of energy I had been waiting for. I had to surrender to them, give thanks for each one and let each one do its work. Now my labor became like walking up a big, steep hill. I didn’t look at the top, but just took it one step at a time, making the most of each stride. For the rest of the afternoon and evening, I just lay on my side focusing on each surge, letting them open my cervix. At one point I felt my cervix jump open. My contractions were coming on deeper, longer and closer together. I could still walk and talk through them, but I preferred to focus on them. I called Maria to check in and we agreed that she’d come back over in a couple of hours.
Maria arrived and we listened to the babies’ heartbeats, everything sounded great. She did an internal check of my cervix and got the funniest look on her face—I was fully dilated. She immediately began calling the other midwives. They arrived like the four directions, in perfect timing. Everyone who was supposed to be at the birth quickly arrived. It was such an empowering feeling; I had arrived at the peak of the birth without realizing it. It was intensity and beauty.
We lit the altar and my partner smudged me with sage and purified the space. I hung out in the birthing tub until the other midwives arrived. It was the dream team, so much wisdom and grace, the perfect gateway for life.
The next two hours were super intense. I had full trust in my babies to be born, in Maria to guide me and my body to birth the babies. My body knows how to give birth, my babies know how to be born.
We were chilling, until a drop stained with heavy meconium dripped from me. So the pushing was on. Within an hour I pushed Ixchel out through the intensity, through the pain. She lay on my belly, silver body with black opal eyes glistening. Her head was warm against my lips. I looked down and saw she was our baby girl. But she was barely crying, she was having trouble breathing. One of the midwives took her and started clearing her lungs and giving her oxygen.
Maria brought my focus back to the second baby. It was such an odd feeling to have one baby on the outside of my belly and one on the inside. Another of the midwives put all her pressure on the baby in my belly to keep her from going breech. I looked down, my belly was covered in blood from the first birth. I was walking the line—a fragment of light that separated life from death. Yet, I knew I was in the light, never did I doubt for a moment that the three of us walked in the light of life.
The energy in the room was thick and intense. I was having trouble feeling my contractions and they seemed to be slowing down. Maria told me I had to push as hard as I could when she told me to, with or without a contraction. She was rotating the baby internally. With all my force and focus I pushed—deeper and longer—I could feel her moving down. As she entered the birth canal, I heard Maria say “face presentation.” I knew that I couldn’t mess around, I pushed deeper and longer and Kali was born, like a comet facing the world her face coming out first. Our older son cut Kali’s chord.
Kali and Ixchel’s birth was not with out complications. I know that in a hospital I would probably have been forced to have an epidural and c-section. During my labor, I never even thought of needing a painkiller. I don’t remember pain or discomfort really being that much of a focus. It was intense work. I give thanks to Maria and the incredible team of midwives she put together. I also, give thanks that we had access to a hospital where Ixchel got the care she needed to get the meconium out of her lungs. Ixchel’s breathing did not stabilize and she had to be transported to the hospital with her father.
Giving birth is the most sacred ceremony. You become the energy of both death and life—they tug at each other and you must believe in your power to give life. Giving birth you face your fears and your doubts, you must transcend these—then true transformation is yours.
-- Tara Dorabji, the mother of goddesses


wrki said...

What an amazing account of the experience, Tara. Thank you for bringing two new lives into the world with such love.

Thank you for the team that surrounded you to support you.

Much love. Can't wait to meet them!

~ Erika

Anonymous said...

A wise and brave woman has given birth to uniquely gifted goddesses! Thank you for giving us the opportunity to be virtually "with" you during their birth.

Keep blogging to your loving extended family.

Love to all of you,


Anonymous said...

What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it with the world--we all need it.

Hooray for Ixchel and Kali!


Anonymous said...

Your beautiful girls have a unique mother. You all are the hope and light of the world. Thank you!


Anna said...

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. That's all I have to say about seeing your goddess beauty queens yesterday!

Anonymous said...

Tara, you are an inspiration to other twin mamas, giving birth to two beings with light, full power and inner strength. Thank you for sharing your amazing trust in the birth process, your body, and your babies. How wonderful to know what it is possible to create with intention and dedication!

Denise - expecting twin mama

doublethelove27 said...

Thank you for sharing your most beautiful story. I am 38 weeks pregnant with fraternal boy/girl twins and have always had in mind a beautiful amazing natural birth with no medical interventions as long as the 3 of us are all ok.

but with suspected pre eclampsia and the docs scaring me about reduced fluid around the babes I went against my instincts last Sunday and started the induction process...after 3 attempts tho my body is proving to all that we are not ready and I released myself yesterday, back home, very happy, babies moving lots and gaining back control over my pregnancy and birth experience.

I know these babies will come to us through our love and when they ready, not with the help of artifical hormones...and the pre eclampsia?? Turns out I am I'm looking forward to their BIRTH DAY more than ever before. Thank you again as your story was lovely and helpful to read. Love and light to you and your family x