My husband Chris and I knew Rowan would be born on Christmas
Eve. I’m not sure how we knew, we just knew. We also knew she was a girl, even
before the ultrasound. But as Christmas Eve approached, I had to take a few
deep breaths and try to release my control over her birth.
Maria said to plan
on 36 hours of labor, so at dinner on December 23rd, we thought a
Christmas Eve baby was a long shot. But at 11:45pm, I woke up leaking amniotic
fluid. I soaked my underwear and a spot on our sheets, but I knew there was
nothing to do about it yet. I changed and went back to bed. I slept restlessly
for a couple hours, and woke again at 3am to another release of fluids. This
time I sat on the toilet to confirm it was amniotic fluid, and sure enough it
had little bits of pink and white floating in it. I started to get excited, but
knew I needed sleep for what was ahead. Chris was partially awake and asked if
I was ok, and I told him my water broke, but to go back to sleep. We would call
Maria in the morning.
We
both slept as best we could, waiting for 9am so we
could call Maria. When we called, she asked if I’d had any surges, and I
didn’t
think I had – I assumed I’d know when I had one. I was having sensations
super low in my pelvis, but nothing I would consider strong, or what I
was expecting a surge to feel like. Maria suggested going on a walk,
making an
acupuncture appointment, and doing some nipple stimulation to get things
moving, as we needed labor to start within 24-48 hours to avoid
infection now
that my bag was open. So we slowly started getting ready to meet the
day. I spent a few minutes meditating, inviting my labor in, inviting it
to start. My brother came over and we walked to The Mill, home of
the infamous $4 toast, a few blocks from our house. On the way we ran
into our friends James and Ally, who were super excited for us. I
ordered pumpkin butter on
wheat, which was surprisingly difficult to eat – I was feeling pretty
out of
it, like waiting for a drug to come on. Then we walked to Alamo Square
so our
dog Calamity could run around. We chatted with some folks at the park,
watched
her play, and took a super touristy and awesome photo in front of the
pink
ladies.
When we got home, Chris went to the grocery store to get food
for the birth while my brother
rearranged some furniture and set up the birth tub. My brother then
headed off
for his haircut appointment – he didn’t want to leave me, but I was
convinced
we had lots of time before things really kicked into gear. I started
doing what
remained of our birth setup, but quickly
started feeling strong surges. I texted Chris at around 3:30pm to come
home – I was
definitely in labor.
By
the time Chris got home, my surges were one minute long and ten minutes
apart, and I needed him to put counter pressure on my back
and hips while I rocked on the ball. He called Maria, and she told
us to expect another twelve hours of this type of labor. But very
quickly the
surges became more intense, about four to five minutes apart. Chris
wanted to
call Maria again, but I said the surges needed to be consistent
for a full hour before we called. Then the surges got stronger again,
and I
moved downstairs closer to the bed and the tub. Within a few surges, I
was having minute long surges every two to three minutes, and I
remember asking Chris, “Why is this happening so fast??” One of the
affirmations
from our birth class was to rest in the pauses, but I wasn't getting any
pauses –
the surges just kept coming in close waves, and I was having trouble
processing
each surge before the next one came. I asked Chris to call Maria (I know
now he had already called her when I asked), and she said
Sue Baelen was on her way, as Christmas Eve is Maria’s night off with
her
family. I almost cried when I saw Sue, and again when Leah, our doula
arrived.
Sue told me I was doing a great job, which I definitely needed to hear,
and she took my phone away from me – I didn’t need to be timing the
surges anymore.
Leah dove right in and started putting counter pressure on my back and
vocalizing through the surges with me. Leah and Sue then suggested I
labor on
my side on the bed, so I could rest in between, as up until now I had
been on the ball. I had a few surges on the bed,
and felt a need to pee, or poop, or something. I had a strong surge on
the
toilet, and needed Leah to help me through it. We went back to the bed,
and I
started feeling pressure on my pelvic floor, like I wanted to start
pushing. I
remember saying out loud that I thought I wanted to push - I was
surprised at the sensation. Sue asked if she
could check me, and I said yes. She asked what I wanted to be, and I
honestly said I didn’t
know. When Sue said 8.5cm, Leah cheered, and I felt awesome - I know I
smiled, I may have even laughed. Then another surge
came, and it was longer and stronger than any other surge so far. Sue
asked how it felt, and I said it was “something else," as it took me
over completely. I asked if I could
get into the tub (which was magically filled up by now), and Sue said
yes. I started laboring in the tub, leaning over
the side and rocking during the surges. I asked Chris to come in with me
to
apply pressure on my hips, but a surge came quickly and he put pressure
on from
outside the tub, and it was way too much – I couldn’t have any pressure
on my
hips anymore, and I wanted to be in the tub by myself. Leah continued to
massage and put pressure on my sacrum, and breathe and vocalize through
the surges
with me, which were now amazingly intense. I knew I was vocalizing, but I
didn’t quite realize how loudly. After one particularly strong surge, I
heard
Maria come in. She said, “You’re a rock star!” and kissed my forehead.
It was
so good to hear her voice, and she brought such a strong, solid calm in
with her – the
whole room lifted, and I laughed and cried. I was and still am so so
grateful that she came, even on Christmas Eve.
And
then I really started pushing. Maria asked
me to flip over onto my back so she could see what was happening a bit
better.
I did, and started pushing with my legs against the side of the tub.
Chris held
me from behind outside the tub, and Leah held my right leg so I could
more
easily push against the sides - I needed them both there to hold me, and
I wouldn't let them leave. Maria told me to feel between my legs, and
it
was both surreal and inspiring to feel our daughter’s head pushing out. I
couldn’t stay in the moment long, as another strong surge sent me back
to
holding hands with Chris and Leah. My eyes were closed through most of
the
surges, and only opened when someone spoke. During one surge, I arched
my back and
yelled upward, and my energy went everywhere – I was having trouble
grounding
until Maria suggested I tuck my chin and vocalize downward. She pressed
on my
perineum and told me to focus my energy on pushing there. I did as best I
could, and I felt her head coming farther and farther out, and slipping
back in
between – the sensation of her slipping back was super uncomfortable,
and I said so out loud. But the
surges kept coming, and I was making headway. I had a moment of concern
about
my legs being strong enough, but the moment didn’t last long - I
couldn't dwell. Maria then told
me it was time to slow down and breathe her out. I heard the words, but I
couldn’t – I kept pushing. Maria helped stretch the area where she was
coming,
which was uncomfortable but very helpful. With the next surge, I felt so
close
– if I could just push a little more, she’d be out – so I pushed and
pushed and
pushed, and pushed one more time, and it felt like she came out all at
once.
I opened my eyes as she was put on my chest, and I got to
see my beautiful daughter for the first time. Her little head was covered in
vernix, and she had a pi sign in the middle of her forehead.
She cried just a
little, and then I held her against my chest and rubbed her little shoulder. My
husband cut her cord after it stopped pulsing, and Maria suggested I cradle her
in the water – she started looking around, just checking out the world. She
was so alert and calm, and absolutely perfect – the rush of emotions in that
moment are indescribable. Our little Rowan Violet was born at 7:13pm, about 4
hours after my surges started.
Then
it was time to get out of the tub and birth the
placenta. Chris and Leah took our daughter and dried her off while I sat
on the birth stool. And nothing happened. I didn’t feel like pushing,
and I didn't have any more surges. I tried pushing anyway, but nothing. I
nursed Rowan, but still nothing. After
about 30 minutes on the birth stool, Maria suggested I get on the bed
and try a
new position. And still nothing. Maria
and Sue offered a shot of Pitocin to help get the placenta out, and I said yes.
And still nothing. I was surprised, as I’d heard Pitocin really kicked surges
into gear. I tried pushing even though I had no urge, and still nothing. Maria
and Sue were both looking a little worried about this point – I knew that the
placenta needed to come out, but I didn’t know how to make it happen. On
Maria’s suggestion, I thanked the placenta for everything it had done, and told
it that it was time to let go – it’s job was done, and now we needed it to be
born. I tried pushing again. And nothing. I wasn’t bleeding, so Maria said we
had three options – we could continue to wait, she could try going in to get
it, or we could go to the OR to get it out. I did not want to go to the OR, but
I was ready to be done. Maria said she couldn’t really tug it because the cord
was torn, and she was afraid she’d lose it, so she needed go in manually to
retrieve it. As a last ditch effort, they tried a catheter to empty my bladder,
but my bladder was already empty. We decided to have Maria go in manually, as
she felt confident, and we felt confident in her. They set me up with an IV
just in case I started bleeding and we needed to transfer, and gave me another
shot of Pitocin. Maria went in, and it was unbelievably raw and uncomfortable. I helped
push, but the placenta didn’t come out. She went in again, and together we
birthed it. Sue immediately checked it over to make sure it was whole, and
Maria watched for bleeding. I wasn’t bleeding, the placenta was whole, and a
weight lifted - the work of birth truly isn't over until the placenta is born, and now I could relax.
The placenta was small, but it helped sustain my daughter’s life
for 10 months, and I am grateful. Maria showed me where she was in the
amniotic
sac, and showed me the placenta. It was really beautiful. Now that all
the work of
labor was done, we went upstairs to our bedroom to settle in. Chris put
new
sheets on the bed, Maria and Sue set us up with what we needed, and went
home.
I nursed our little girl, and was amazed at our wonderful Christmas
present. Our
little Rowan Violet is perfect, perfect, perfect, and we’re so in love. I
am so incredibly blessed - we had the home birth we wanted, the home
birth we envisioned, and I am very, very grateful.
